I jump into things too quickly. And I expect too much out of people. And I think for a seventeen year old — “I’ve been here too few years to feel this old.”
Well, hello there…
It’s been a while, has it not?
My senior year of high school has been in for about two weeks now. It sucks. There is so much work to do with my THREE AP CLASSES. But it’s ok, cus I’m about to drop one of them so I don’t fail all of them. hehe. It’s ok, it’s not like a required class or anything. Just something I thought would be interesting before I realized that meant I had to take an AP exam for it. -_- Those things are evil.
Anyway, so besides that, I am the Assistant Director of this year’s fall show, Anatomy of Gray. I quite like it. It is a very good show in my opinion. I submitted my casting to the director earlier and Iexpect there will be some sort of communication on that some time soon. I need to re-read the show and get my head into it, now that I will be freeing up some of my time with the absence of the unnecessary AP class.
Aaaaand, as far as the personal life goes, I am kinda-sorta-maybe seeing someone who lives in Cary. He is a great guy, my own personal nerd. ^_^ (I love nerds, I can’t help it.) But, he is far older than me, so at the moment, as Facebook would say, “It’s complicated.” (Sidenote: He is horrible at calling people back. Ugh! Waiting for confirmation on tonight’s plans, and it’s been like 3 hours since I’ve heard from him. Gahhh.)
So yea… That about covers it for the moment. Have to start working on my screenplay pretty soon. Stupid Capstone project. *sigh*
Later, Bloggers.
Could I be more serious July 31, 2009
about how much I want a band?
No. Not at all. I am burning with a desire for this. Gahhhh.
Yeah, I do drama. Yeah, I sing in front of people. Yeah, I get my recognition. But it’s not the same. It’s not music that I feel, that courses through my veins. It’s not my words, it’s not the same passion. I need it.
*sigh*
One day, it will happen. One day.
Saline Eyes July 27, 2009
Hey there Saline Eyes
don’t make a point to cry
Over things you won’t get back
Hey there, Saline Eyes
Everything will be alright
Life will get back on track
Don’t you go believing a thing they say to you
Their words are empty and meant to confuse
So, hey there, Saline Eyes
Don’t ya know it’ll be alright
Everything will be just fine
Hey there, Saline Eyes
There’s no reason to cry
After all, you’re still alive
You’re still alive
Hey there, Believer
Don’t fret cus it’s over
That’s just the way love goes
Hey there, Broken Heart
You’re just at the start
You’ll find there’s more to know
So don’t you go believing the lies you tell yourself
The world is not as evil as you can make it sound
So, hey there, Saline Eyes
Don’t ya know it’ll be alright
Everything will be just fine
Hey there, Saline Eyes
There’s no reason to cry
After all, you’re still alive
You’re still alive
Hey there, Fragile One
Take all the time you want
To make sure that you mend
Hey there, Broken Heart
You’re just at the start
This is not the end
No don’t go believing a thing they say to you
Their words are empty and meant to confuse
Hey there, Saline Eyes
Don’t ya know it’ll be alright
Everything will be just fine
Hey there, Saline Eyes
There’s no reason to cry
After all, you’re still alive
You’re still alive
Hey there, Saline Eyes
Don’t ya know it’ll be alright
Everything will be just fine
Hey there, Saline Eyes
There’s no reason to cry
After all, you’re still alive
You’re still alive
Hey there Saline Eyes
don’t you make a point to cry…
Hello, World July 26, 2009
Addie is back from her blahhhness state. Mostly, anway. I still have my moment, but I am in one piece as of right now, so that’s good.
I did go to Warped Tour =D yay. It was amazing, as always. Hot and painful, but amazing nonetheless. I have the tan(sunburn)lines and battles scars to prove it. [As well as pictures, of course.]
Going made me realize how much I adore music and that I really want to start a band. I have always wanted to, but other things got in the way. And I think now I am ready to really go into it full fledge. I just need to find musicians that are interested in the kind of music I want to make, and that’s really difficult around here seeing as how the local scene is comprised entirely of metalcore bands (or rather I should call some of them wannabes.] Not bashing it, I mean I know some really talented people that I know are going places, but that doesn’t make it ok for the musical scene to be so one-sided. Diversity is essential, and I really want to make some headway in that department. These kids around here are too serious. They need a little bit of an upbeat, lyrically-driven EXPLOSION to take place. XD (Sooooo, anyone in the Rocky Mount area interested in bringing some alternative/pop-punk to these suckas, let me know!)
And on that note, here is another does of my neverending supply of lyrics. This one is called There’s No Shame in The Game (As Long As You Play by The Rules). [{Now featured on my Lyrics page!!}]
You could call it overcompensating
but I call it recovery baby…
I’ve got numbers lining the wall
and nameless clothes in my backseat
you think that I am showing off
but babe it’s just my “new thing”
cus you were my very last attempt at
the joke that they call love
and I’m better off without you, yeah
I’m better than you thought
Cus I have got no shame, and baby
you have got no game
and any names we drop from this point on
are fuel for the race
Cus you know I don’t give a damn
and I know you give up
So darling let’s just have some fun
in the Post-Love Slums
So parade her around and act
like she means something to you
the longer you keep her around
the bigger lies you’ll have to use
My strategy is much more simple:
I do anything I please
It drives you crazy, cus you still want
to see me on my knees
But I have got no shame, and baby
you have got no game
and any names we drop from this point on
are fuel for the race
Cus you know I don’t give a damn
and I know you give up
So darling let’s just have some fun
in the Post-Love Slums
We keep it down and dirty
We keep it hot and flirty
We take no prisoners
We have just one rule only:
Leave them wanting more and lonely
We take no prisoners
And with one last shot, you’ll say
that you still know what’s best for me
And with one last glance I’ll laugh and say
“You know nothing about me…”
Cus I have got no shame, and baby
you have got no game
and any names we drop from this point on
are fuel for the race
Cus you know I don’t give a damn
and I know you give up
So darling let’s just have some fun
in our post-love slums
(We keep it down and dirty,
We keep it hot and flirty
We take no prisoners)
In our Post-Love Slums
(We have just one rule: only
leave them wanting more and lonely
We take no prisoners)
In the Post-Love Slums
Life is fucking weird July 14, 2009
Today is not a good day.
Worst of it all, my baby kitty died today. He was only about a few weeks old. We found him a little over a week ago. He seemed to be doing okay, but he just died in my Marcia’s arms. =[ He was such a pretty little tom cat. Had the prettiest markings on his face and had black fur wiht grey stripes and little boots. He was so sweet. His name was Dizzy.
Secondly, my warped tour plans may be falling through. If I don’t get to go, I will go insane. I need that. Its my life force.
And thirdly… Ok, so this kid who is my half-sister’s cousin’s fiance’s son (read: not related to me, but to the adults its as well as) has a crush on me. He is 13 and is like in loooove. Its so weird because he’s a cool kid, and I want to hang around with him, but I don’t rly like him that way, nor could I “date” him (how does an 8th grader date anyway? I forgot. Gah, I feel so old.)
Blahhhhhhh.
I don’t feel sad about Chris and I. I don’t really feel anything. It seems like something that happened between two other people, not to me…
Is it bad that I detach myself that easily?
Single July 6, 2009
because he said he was “forcing” himself to be in love with me and didn’t want to do that to me.
but it’s okay, because life goes on, and as a friend of mine (*cough*) says:
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.
Having a nervous breakdown sucks. July 1, 2009
Ya know what else sucks? Being sixteen and thinking you can have your life all planned out and lah dee dah. Until one day, you realize something that’s relaly important to you, and it conflicts with those life plans, and then you’re suddenly screwed. (And not in the fun way.)
And then you constantly worry about that. And you constantly worry about other issues concerning that other important thing in your life. And you constantly worry about other people. And you constantly worry about yourself. And at some point, all that worrying just EXPLODES and sends you into a mass hysteria of crying, and shaking, and hard breathing and being scared, and claustrophobia.
Yeah, it really sucks.
A tough decision… June 29, 2009
It occurred to me last night that in a few months, I will be entering my senior year of high school. Now, that means a lot of things: hard work, senioritis, and college admissions. For a while, I was ok with the idea of going to ECU with my boyfriend… but in all honesty, it has hit me lately how badly I really want to go to UNC. It has always been my goal for myself, and it’s basically my dream college. (Though, it falls just short of Ivy League status, let’s face it, I’m not axactly Ivy League material, now am I?) It is a very prestigious school, and the oldest in the country, and I have dreamed abotu it for years. Right now, I am a member of the National Honor Society, am enrolled in 3 AP classes next year, and am very active and devoted to the drama department. (Fun fact: According to a UNC rep., when it comes to extracurricular activities, college admissions people are more concerned with how involved you are in a club/organization/etc., than the number of clubs/organzations you are involved in. So stop trying to be a part of the Art Club, the History Club, the Tennis Team and the Debate club all at one time if you can’t handle it and just pick one.) I am determined to keep very good grades next year, and I hope that I will gain acceptance to UNC.
Now, while this all sounds fine and dandy academically, as I was thinking about it last night, I came to a ver real realization: At some point this year, I will have to make a decision between going to my dream school, or staying with the most amazing person I have ever met.
It hit me last night as we were laying down, and he could tell I was upset over something, but I wasn’t going to say what. We have a bit of a rocky past, and the idea that I would have to leave him again tears me up inside. I’m so confused. This will probably be one of the hardest decisions I will have to make, and I’m dreading it. =/
Amy [lyrics] June 26, 2009
I know the point of the lyrics page is to showcase all my lyrics, but this song is kind of important to me, and I wanted the chance to put it on the blog, because that way it would get more publicity. I would really like some feedback, so if you have anything to share, please do.
See, my best friend has gotten herself into an unhealthy (atleast in my and everyone else’s opinions) relationship. She frustrates me because over the course of our friendship, we have nearly lost each other a few times, and I have fough to keep taht from happening, and right now it feels like she could care less about that at all and is saying “fuck all you guys who care about me” to be with this asshole. This song shows both ways I feel about the situation, how I am angry at her, but how I would be there for her anyway because she’s my best friend.
Amy [[6/26/2009]]
They say dreams can last so long
but you gave yours up when you were too young
Go on, find someone else
to hide yourself behind.
You know you shouldn’t waste your time
You could have had a better life
but instead you chose a love
built upon a crime.
And I promised to be there to dry your tears,
but you also promised to be here longer than 3 years
I want to save you, but you won’t let me
You push me away and hide inside a dream
I want to save you, but you’re already too gone
I’m afraid that you have been here for too long.
But I want to save you
I see you’re falling out of grace,
you’ve lost the glow upon your face
and you’re diseased by things
you should have never seen.
You nearly work yourself to death,
you only speak when you’re out of breath
You’ve lost your friends, your youth,
your freedom, your family.
And yeah, I promised to come running at your call
But do you ever make a point to call at all?
I want to save you, but you won’t let me
You push me away and hide inside a dream
I want to save you, but you’re already too gone
I’m afraid that you have been here for too long
So you give up everything,
So you fall apart at the seams
over nothing
(yeah, he’s nothing to me)
So you gave up all your dreams
So I listened to your screams
over nothing
(You’re nothing to me…)
Now it looks like you are done
Another soul to keep so young
I don’t know her,
but I guess one day I will
You could have been much more than this,
but you’re caught up in your bliss
No, I don’t know her
but I know one day I will
Because if he leaves you both out on the floor
I will be there with my arms open once more
Cus I want to save you, but will you let me?
Or push me away and hide inside a dream?
I want to save you, but are you too gone?
Have you missed out, have you been here for too long?
I want to save you,
I want to save you,
I want to save you,
Amy, let me save you
Darlingly Pretentious 